People living with age-related illnesses are falling through the cracks of a system designed to support the elderly. The system that enables them to remain living in their own homes when their health deteriorates assists with tasks that many of us take for granted yet are almost an impossibility for many elderly people. Carer’s exhaustion and burn out, jeopardized safety, greater pressure on hospital emergency services, family conflict, incidents and accidents, delayed medical intervention have all reached breaking point for sufferers and carers thanks to a backlog of unprocessed applications.
I can speak from the experience I had when trying to integrate services for my mum who had dementia, and for my dad who was her carer, and the frustrating, heartbreaking and soul-destroying hoops we had to jump through for support. I was even asked once by the most incapable, inept and insensitive person I have ever come across in my life to put my mother on the phone to explain to the operator what her concerns were. Mum did not even have the ability to tell anyone her own name, much less explain her health condition and what his support needs were!!!! “That’s okay,” the operator snapped, “She can just write us a letter to explain!!!!!!!!”
Someone else who is going through the rigmarole of securing support for in-home care is Barham resident Lorraine Sholl, who at 84 is the carer for her husband George, 89 who is living with Alzheimer’s Dementia. Lorraine approached me in the street with a desperate plea for The Koondrook and Barham Bridge Newspaper to possibly be able to help with her plight, to which I was only too eager to assist with.
Being the carer for someone who has dementia takes every ounce of patience, biting of the tongue and an abundance of love you never knew you had within you for the most harmonious lifestyle. Its exhausting, upsetting, rewarding, trying, infuriating, and every other emotion you could ever feel, but you do it because you love the person you are caring for. The problem is that the amount of energy and strength it takes on a daily basis can send the calmest of people around the twist, and taking a breather, or having that extra set of hands or two can make a huge difference to how we relate to the person suffering from the disease. There is no cure, and it only gets worse, making the workload pile up and up until, unfortunately, it reaches breaking point, which is right where Lorraine has found herself – and it didn’t need to happen.
George sits quietly in the loungeroom while Lorraine and I chat at the kitchen table. It’s not too bad a day for George; he is tired and is looking at the TV, not engaged in whatever is on but he is rested, although this could change at any moment, just ask Lorraine.
“I can’t leave him for a second; he just gets up and starts getting into things he shouldn’t. If I try to make a phone call to have a talk to a friend or something, he talks over me, he just doesn’t understand. It can be like looking after a toddler sometimes.”
A former well-respected publican, George has been known over the years for his warm conversation and hospitality, but now dementia has changed him from outgoing and active to a frightened, withdrawn man living in a constant state of uncertainty. He has trouble sleeping which means he often falls out of bed throughout the night, has some hearing impairment and mobility issues, and also suffers from Type 1 Diabetes. It is a lot to co-ordinate and then on top of that is Lorraine’s own health concerns.
“I suffer with Meniere’s Disease and Tinnitus, which is brought on by stress, so right now its pretty bad because I’m constantly under stress worrying about George,” Lorraine admits.
George was given his official diagnosis in 2023 and has progressively got worse over time. Realising she couldn’t do all the caring on her own and with their children living interstate, Lorraine applied for a My Aged Care package in October last year with the assumption that assistance would only be a matter of weeks away. After having an official assessment that made George eligible for Level 2 care, Lorraine found an agency to service her needs with assistance for domestic duties, medication dispensing, and social support for George. Correspondence was made between My Aged Care and the agency to secure the funding and that is where everything came to a halt. As of today, she is still awaiting any action, and she fears that it will be a case of too little too late if and when it eventually does come through. With no explanation for the hold up, Lorraine believes that it is due to an influx of applications for support that has seen George’s care put on the back burner. Both Lorraine and George are aware that permanent care in a nursing home is another option, but the idea of moving George out of the home he loves and feels most secure in should be a last resort, as Lorraine explains.
“Well, when we started the ball rolling, it was for help at home, and not for moving him into a nursing home. So, we want to use that option first. I want him to be at home, I’m not ready for him to go in there. I want to care for him, I am his wife, and he would do the same for me. Although he is getting worse, I still see these glimpses of the way he used to be, like at night when we go to bed, he wants me to cuddle him, he’s always been that way and it’s lovely. It makes me feel like all the hard work doesn’t go unnoticed, but I’m getting so tired. I even put myself into respite once for a break, and that didn’t go down well. He was terribly upset, and I was too, but I felt I had no other option. I couldn’t have both of us sick. I was desperate.”
Every one of us is getting older, and unless you have the benefit of monetary wealth on your side, getting old may not look like you had hoped for, or expected. Isn’t it time our politicians made a sensible decision that for once benefits the most vulnerable pioneers of this country, the elderly? After all, the pollies have a tendency for feathering their own nests, and they too will be old one day. So why complicate procedures into securing assistance for the elderly when doing so will only benefit everyone? Less stress on families, more comfort for the individual as they get to stay in their own home, more jobs for aged care workers and less pressure on nursing homes where there are already long waiting lists.
We are living longer in 2025 thanks to better health care and treatment options including early intervention of a variety of illnesses and conditions, but if people can’t utilize those options, then you have to wonder if getting old seems no longer a privilege but an inconvenience.
We need advocates for the elderly; people with big voices and even bigger hearts who will help navigate the way through the endless paperwork and unnecessary phone calls required to get services in place for the most vulnerable.
This way, people like George and Lorraine can enjoy whatever time they are afforded to stay together in their own home, comfortably, before this terrible disease leaves them with no other option but permanent care.
This article appeared in The Koondrook and Barham Bridge Newspaper, 31 July 2025.
