Monday, February 10, 2025

Good manners cost nothing – bad manners can cost you your reputation

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David Stewart, RYP International
David Stewart, RYP Internationalhttps://www.rypinternational.com/
David Stewart (B Ed, Grad Dip Sports Science, master’s Business Leadership) David is the Founder & Principal of RYP International – A Coaching & Advisory Practice. For over 40 years he has worked globally with organisations, communities, sports teams, CEO’s and their leadership teams to develop their capability and culture to maximise performance.

Recently I attended a family wedding in country Victoria. It was a magical evening with a perfect sunset. Mother Nature really turned on a show! An observation several of us made at the recovery the next day was that a few family members did not leave a wedding gift or simple card, nor did they say goodbye to the bride and groom when they made an early departure. This got us talking about manners, and whether they are diminishing.

Look at the example set by our political leaders and their rude, hostile, demonising, and adversarial approach to the opposition. Recent elections around the world have provided a showcase of poor manners and a lack of civility. Experts argue that the behaviour of today’s leaders does indeed impact societal civility. Leaders in government, business, and entertainment who set poor examples can and will influence norms.

Lion and lioness

All the education young people receive will be in vain if they do not learn good manners
– Mahatma Ghandi

Recent research in Australia by Tuckey & Colleagues suggests that uncivil or aggressive leadership can be even more pronounced in regional areas, where smaller workplaces and close-knit communities mean that interpersonal dynamics are more visible and impactful. They highlight that regional areas experience unique stressors, including limited access to resources and talent, making the role of supportive and civil leadership crucial for employee and community well-being.

Here is how leaders impact manners and civility:

1. Normalisation of aggression and insults

When leaders frequently resort to personal attacks, insults, and combative language, it sets a precedent that harsh, aggressive communication is acceptable, and rudeness and disrespect are normalised.

2. Using social media to amplify incivility

Platforms like Twitter/X and Facebook provide leaders with direct access to the public, but this accessibility can encourage impulsive, less thoughtful communication. Leaders who use social media to spread vitriol or to antagonise only encourages others to do the same.

3. Decline of constructive debate

Historically, leaders have served as models for healthy debate and respectful disagreement. However, when leaders dismiss opposing views with hostility or refuse to acknowledge alternative perspectives, it discourages constructive dialogue. Civility relies on being able to engage with others respectfully and safely, even when we disagree.

4. Impact of role models on youth and future generations

Young people look to adults as role models. When leaders display poor manners, bully others, or are openly antagonistic, it sends a message that these behaviours are acceptable. This will normalise that confrontation is an acceptable communication style.

5. Erosion of trust and cooperation

Civility fosters trust, which is crucial for a functioning society. When leaders are openly hostile, rude, or dismissive, it fosters an “us vs. them” mentality, making it harder for people to work together across differences.

6. Influence on workplace and community culture

Leaders set the tone for acceptable behaviour. Their influence extends into workplaces and communities. If leaders prioritise aggression over civility, it can permeate workplace cultures and communities, encouraging similar behaviours among others.

7. Loss of empathy and compromise

Civility requires empathy. Leaders who consistently neglect empathy in their behaviour encourage a lack of compassion and the notion that “winning” is more important than finding common ground. This loss of empathy and reluctance to compromise erodes a sense of community and shared purpose. It replaces manners with rudeness.

Good manners cost nothing

It is the simple things that count, such as being on time, saying please and thank you, looking people in the eye, and following through on promises and commitments. These are simple leadership disciplines that demonstrate good manners and help establish a foundation for strong and trusting relationships. These small acts create a positive environment and foster trust. Leaders who are respectful and considerate gain the trust of their team and peers, which is essential for effective leadership.

Leaders with good manners consistently communicate with clarity, respect, and empathy. Politeness, tone, and attentiveness in conversations make others feel valued, which encourages open and honest communication.

Leaders / parents are role models for others, and practising good manners sets a standard for professional and personal behaviour. When leaders / parents consistently demonstrate respect, humility, and kindness, their team and children are more likely to follow suit.

Finally, good manners are learnt. It starts with a leader role modelling respectful language, practices, and behaviours. It is the little things that count, and they cost you nothing!

Leadership Lesson

Manners are a cornerstone of effective leadership because they create an atmosphere of respect, trust, and collaboration.
Leaders who prioritise good manners foster environments where teams can thrive and succeed together, and long term relationships are built.

Facta Non-Verba – Deeds Not Words

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