I have a confession to make, especially today when many of you think of me as kind, loving and a good friend.

In truth, I am a mass murderer – a cold-blooded killer.

Last week I was the murderer of a beautiful tree, and I, guilt stricken, resolved there would be no more garden mayhem for the year.

It must have been last night’s thunderstorm which took my reason…

So 150 snails who had come out to enjoy the cool wet grass (who even KNEW they were in residence? They must have hitched rides on some of my bought plants, there have been no previous gastropods in residence) met a sad and sudden death.

Snails – 150 big fat snails. I went mad!

They met their doom from the sole of my boots. I must have looked like I was dancing a tarantella, or Scottish fling.

I can’t use bait because I love my dogs…

I thought, as I stood exhausted, with the shells and squished bodies under my boots –  too late – I could have collected them for Dick the Duck who lives next door, but figured even he of the melodious baritone quack could not eat so many…

I posted my dilemma on my Facebook page, and received several other suggested methods of disposing of them; from dousing them with salt, which it seems would give them a most unhappy end and I am not so cruel.

Circling the plants with coffee grounds apparently works as  they hate  them and will stay away –  but with an acre of garden I’d need a lot of grounds.

The only option seems to be for me to keep an eye out and hurl any errant arrivals over the fence to the delight of the aforementioned Dick the Duck, and if there’s another onslaught like this morning’s battle, the Blundstones will have to do their duty.

So there you have it, if you are friends with me on Facebook, you are friends with a killer… if you want to unfriend me, I will understand.