Last week I attended a Business Leaders Round Table Lunch. I wanted to use the afternoon to observe how leaders go about active listening. After the initial pleasantries and introductions were made, the lunch moderator posed some topical business questions for each table to explore and discuss. I was on a table of eight, and soon four people emerged who loved the sound of their own voices:

• The Know All
• The Interrupter
• The One Upper
• The Pseudo Expert

These four dominated the conversation, leaving little opportunity for the quieter people to share their views, or allow a deeper exploration of key themes. Between sessions, when there was an opportunity to have a free-flowing conversation, these same four people showed no curiosity or interest in the others at the table, instead they monopolised the conversation and centred the everything around themselves.

The Know All: These people are first to speak, and ensure their views are heard first and foremost, ahead of anyone else. They don’t ask questions – rather they make statements and offer their opinions whether they are factual or not. They are always heard first.

The Interrupter: As the name implies, these people quite literally cut people off, interrupt to share or repeat their view. Often these people become bombastic and want to ensure their view is heard.

The One Upper: Whatever you have done, these people have done more – something better – or know someone more important. Whatever the point, they have always done one better!

The Pseudo Expert: Throw away your books, computer, and phones as these people know everything, have been everywhere, and seen everything. They bring everything to themselves and their own importance and expertise. They defer to a self-assessed superior knowledge.

The one characteristic these four people shared, is that none of them actively listened. They did not ask questions, explore other views, or encourage a divergence of views. An ability to actively listen is a skill all credible leaders develop.

If you do not ask questions and listen to a person you have just met
– you will never know who they are – or what they have done!

Active listening has seven core abilities:

1. The ability to listen intently, by demonstrating you are interested, look at the person, free of distractions, without interrupting or diverting the conversation away from the person who is talking.
2. Ask open questions, which force a person to think about a response, and speak openly. Avoid “yes/no” questions, but rather questions which force a person to provide a considered response.
3. Always use follow-up prompts, which forces a person to keep talking and sharing further thoughts and insights. Prompts such as “tell me more” or “how did that make you feel” are useful techniques.
4. Use affirming body language, such as nodding your head in agreement, look at the person, lean in and look interested, use affirming facial gestures that reflect the tone and tenure of the conversation.
5. Don’t be distracted, so ensure you are off electronic devices, talking to others, appear disinterested and look away, yawn, or appear self-absorbed in your own thoughts.
6. Read non-verbal ques of the person talking, to affirm what the person is saying aligns with their tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and the language being used.
7. Paraphrase what you just heard. This informs the person you have listened and interpreted correctly what they have said. This is also a good mechanism for the speaker to reaffirm or correct what you heard.

Active listening is a lived experience. Over 70 per cent of all communication is non-verbal. Just because someone says something does not mean it is correct. When someone says “they are fine” yet their body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions clearly indicate that something is not quite right. It is incumbent on a leader to stop, meaningfully check-in, and actively listen. The more a leader does this, the more people will open-up as they know their leader will provide a safe environment for an open conversation, and then actively listen.

Finally, be curious, don’t judge

It is important to avoid early judgment. Keep an open mind and suspend judgment. Everyone has their perspective, and actively listening means respecting that. Practice empathy: Try to see things from the speaker’s perspective, even if you don’t agree. Empathy enhances communication and connection. Follow up after the conversation, check in and reflect on what was said. This shows you valued the interaction and the speaker’s thoughts.

Leadership Lesson

You cannot learn when you are talking. One of the sincerest forms of respect is actively listening to what another has to say.
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said!

Facta Non-Verba – Deeds Not Words