Leadership & You #2
Home is a feeling, not a place.
Family and community is what creates a sense of belonging.
Regional townships have a huge advantage over big cities in an ability to authentically inject a sense of connection and inclusion into the community.
Community connection is
the heartbeat of regional Australia
Whenever you ask someone from the bush where they grew up – they will name their township and describe it as their home! There is an emotional connection, and a sense of known history. Similarly, when people know their family history, you will hear stories of enterprise, resilience, perseverance and bravery, which help fuel a sense of pride and family identity. A sense of belonging forms over time, by knowing who you are and where you are from.
It is these stories that bind families and communities. This is what differentiates the liveability of regional Australia from the major cities.
To know where you have come from is
to know who you are!
So why am I highlighting this? Well, the research is quite clear. Children who know their family history have a sense of belonging, and in turn are more resilient. The research via Emory University USA highlights knowing your family history fuels family connections – from one generation to the next. However, knowing your family history alone is not the key, but how family history is learnt is the important factor.
The most important dynamic in learning family history and fostering family connection is the dinner table! The dinner table is a parents most powerful opportunity to coach and influence their children. The ritual of family dinnertime is an important family connector.
Family rituals is what fosters family connection
Re-take dinner time and talk! Sit down together. Turn off the TV. Ban electronic devices. Create a distraction free 30-minute zone and talk. Dinner time is an opportunity for children to practice their aural and oral skills, which include active listening, the art of conversation, the ability to ask open-ended questions, self-awareness, reading non-verbal cues, and importantly, storytelling.
Storytelling is a crucial life skill. It is how parents share life lessons such as the importance of hope, problem-solving, coping mechanisms in times of hardship, and how, ultimately, adversity was overcome. Life lessons is another word for wisdom.
Indeed, storytelling is the oldest and most effective way to pass on history and wisdom! It is a key parenting and coaching skill!
Make dinner time family time.
It is an important mechanism to connect with and coach your family. Even a couple of times a week works.
Here are a few simple rules to apply at dinner time:
- Ensure everyone is present (no exceptions)
- No phones or electronic devices
- Turn the TV off!
- Ensure background music, is just that, background music.
- Listen to understand – ask questions – avoid listening to reply!
- Explore topics of interest, or what is topical in the community.
- Give everyone equal opportunity to speak. Parents do not monopolise the conversation.
- Ask open-ended and follow up questions to elicit stories.
It is during dinner time conversations that children will learn about their family history, whilst practising and applying life skills such as active listening, framing conversations, critical thinking, and self-awareness, and whilst also trying to make sense of their world. Team and social skills require practice and application, otherwise they diminish.
In a technology obsessed world where children’s mental health is impacted by the constant pressure to curate the perfect life on social media, the family dinner table is the perfect mechanism to provide a sanctuary from the digital world, stop and take time out as a family to talk, connect, and discuss each other’s lives, and help navigate what is always an uncertain and unpredictable world.
Leadership Lesson
The parenting and coaching dynamic are very similar, in that both aim to nurture and develop the skills and qualities of a person. To be effective, both require face to face connections and regular conversations.
