No room in the bed

Our son leaves for work around six am each day, the two dogs, Elizabeth JR and Eric the Scottish terrier sleep with him.

For many years, the family has had three categories of dogs: outside dogs, usually working dogs; inside dogs, dogs which live inside and out but not in the final category; known as bed dogs.

Bed dogs are usually guardians of the small and timid, reassuring the child that no monster, giant, boogie man or crocodile will dare venture into the room in the dark hours… but they tend to stay alongside the person, even as they grow and generations of dogs take the original’s place… guardians of the night, and often back warmers.

So it is with the current three.

Eric and Elizabeth JR sleep with Jeff.

Tammy the 2kg glaucoma-suffering fight-size bite-size mini foxie spends her nights as a lump on the mattress under the doona somewhere down near my knees with us.

If Charlie Cat can sneak in she takes up position on top of the bed down near the bottom, so there’s not a lot of room even with a king size bed.

But – when our son leaves for work… Elizabeth JR knows how to open doors, and with a flourish… bounds onto our bed, takes up her position next to husband, and they peacefully snore on. Peace reigns, except for one thing… Eric…

Eric, in no time at all has woken up to the fun of having a nap with the grandparents… and very smartly learned to jump up on to the bed, to be told firmly, firstly by the aforementioned snarling lump in the mattress and by Elizabeth JR that there is no room on THEIR side. He tiptoes – if you can call a plump Scottie’s footsteps as that – along the bed head and sticks his tongue right down my right ear giving it a loud and slurpy clean.

Protests are hopeless it only makes him lick faster… and he then lies himself comfortably on top of my head and goes to sleep. I must look – if anyone could see – like I am wearing a giant black hairy wig with a copious beard.

I am trapped. Two snoring folk on my right… a snarling mini foxie near my knees and an insane cat dreaming of breakfast at the foot of the bed. Everyone is comfortable, everyone is sleeping peacefully, except for me… but I DO have very clean ears.