Both require effective coaching moments

Leadership & You #15

Anyone who has achieved anything in life has been influenced by a coach. Every week we all have an opportunity to engage with and influence someone. These are mostly unpredictable, unplanned, and in the moment circumstances. A coaching moment could be with a child, a friend or colleague, staff member, or indeed a perfect stranger. Typically, it involves a conversation where you provide the gift of feedback.

And here lies the question. What makes an effective coaching moment? Just because you said it, does not mean it was heard or understood.

Recent research suggests that a leader typically has 50 effective coaching moments a year, which plays out to around two per week. This is important to understand. Often a coaching moment can be confused with issuing instructions. Coaching is different to instructing. Both are important. But they are different.

Instructing typically involves a direct and structured approach to a set of tasks to be completed, or the acquisition of a new skill. Effective instructing requires a step-by-step structure, that allows the receiver to hear, process, and understand what has been said to them. The clearer the better.

Coaching, on the other hand, is a more facilitative and collaborative process. Coaching is about building the commitment, confidence, competence, and permissions for someone to be more empowered and capable to make their own decisions, set their own goals, or perform at a higher standard. Coaching is less about telling, and more about questioning and motivating.

So, during a week, there are probably many times when you issue a set of instructions. They need to be considered and clear to be understood. Often, they require repetition to ensure they are heard. But these are not coaching moments.

To maximise the likelihood that a coaching moment is effective, the following tips may prove useful:

Coaching is a two-way moment, not a one-way lecture from someone demanding an improvement in performance or a demand to change an attitude.

Target the moment to ensure the person you are about to coach is in the right headspace and emotionally prepared. If a person is angry or emotional, it is not the moment to coach, but rather it is a moment to support or reassure. When people are angry or upset, they cannot listen.

Create a safe space. Ensure the environment in which you are about to coach is safe, private, and conducive to a coaching moment.

Active listening is key. Listen attentively to what the person is saying. Give them your full attention, and do not interrupt what they are saying or feeling, nor be distracted with other things going around you. Listen to understand, not listen to reply!

Be observant. Observe the whole person, not just what they are saying. Observe their recent patterns of behaviour, tone of voice, body language, how they interact with others, the language they use, and any performance symptoms.

Ask open ended questions. Not yes or no questions, but questions that will force a person to share what they are thinking and feeling. Their narrative is key to what you as a coach then responds with.

Stay present. Look at them. Demonstrate affirming body language. Do not appear distracted.

Empathise. Understand what they are saying and how they are feeling. Remember any coaching moment must focus on their needs, not your needs!

Pause and reflect. Allow for a short moment of silence so you can process and absorb what has just been said, so you can then consider the most effective response. It also demonstrates to the person that you have heard what has been said to you.

Clarify goals and objectives. This helps ground any coaching around what is it they are trying to achieve. Keeping things in perspective often helps to reaffirm goals and objectives.

Provide the gift of feedback. For it to be considered effective, it must be specific to the person, objective, actionable, and not judgemental. Keep feedback to no more than three themes or areas of focus, otherwise any advice will not be remembered.

Set actionable steps. Ensure these are clear and understood. What it is they will do. And what it is you will do as a coach.

Be non-directive. Allow the person to make their own decisions or come to a logical conclusion themselves. This helps build a person’s self-management skills.

Follow up any coaching moment. Check in with the person formally or informally within a few days of the coaching moment. Enquire what they have since done, how they are feeling, or indeed what they recall. This is an important affirmation process for the coach. It reveals what a person heard, and what they are committed to do.

Collaborate. Coaching is a collaborative process. A person must feel emotionally safe around a coaching moment, but also feel it is a respectful two-way dynamic. This enhances the likelihood of an effective coaching moment.

Finally, an ability to coach is a life skill. Being a coach is not a title. It is a dynamic. It is a choice. An effective coach is trusted and respected. Coaching is about many moments. Key is to understand when you are in one of those key moments. Coaching is the universal language of change and learning.

Leadership Lesson

The role of any coach is not to demand or force performance.
But rather to develop the confidence and talents of people to allow them to pursue and maximise their potential.
This can only be achieved if they are committed – confident – competent.
A great coach can change a life!

Facta Non Verba = Deeds Not Words