Change and comfort do not co-exist. That is a fact. If change is a constant in life, then the ability to manage oneself through all life changes is a critical personal attribute.

Self-management is a core life skill. It involves our ability to control our thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and actions effectively. It involves setting goals, managing time, maintaining self-discipline, handling stress, and fostering a sense of personal responsibility. Easier said than done! We can all attest to struggling with this at different parts of our life.

There is no such thing as time management
– only self-management

Effective self-management requires individuals to be organised, self-aware, able to prioritise what is important, and motivate themselves to achieve personal and professional goals. However, this also means individuals need to be resilient and comfortable with feeling vulnerable. These skills are acquired through experience. Self-doubt and feelings of vulnerability are things we all experience. Being vulnerable goes hand in hand with personal leadership and growth. Any personal success comes with some failures along the way. You cannot have one without the other.

The first step to self-management is self-awareness

No one is bullet proof to feelings of doubt, uncertainty and a loss of confidence. These moments will always lead to lapses in motivation and optimism. When feelings of self-doubt and vulnerability occur, it requires deliberate self-management to overcome them. There is no one formula that works, but it does require you to develop your own formula.

Self-management comes from within.
It is not a course you go on, or something you purchase,
it starts with respecting oneself

In this day an age we are far more aware and accepting of people who are struggling with their own mental wellbeing, which is great, however, no-one can help you unless you are committed to helping yourself. With time and practice, people get better formulating their own self-management skills and techniques, but it does require practice and application.

Self-management is not a selfish act.
It is simply good stewardship of the only asset you have – YOU!

Research on elite athletes who have achieved sustained success over many years has identified they have the following seven self-management qualities in common:

1. They are persistent under difficult circumstances;
2. They have an optimistic outlook and tend to be forward looking, not dwelling on the past;
3. They have an ability to predict and proactively respond to changing situations;
4. They have high levels of self-awareness around their needs and the needs of others;
5. They can regulate their temperament and emotions in highly stressful circumstances;
6. They can recognise and act on early warning signs of when feelings of vulnerability start to occur; and
7. They have a well-practised formula to tackle moments of self-doubt and a loss in confidence.

Building self-management skills starts at an early age, and requires the exploration and application of personal skills, mindsets, habits and disciplines. In no order, here are some tips for anyone wanting to enhance their self-management skills.

• Practice goal setting: Keeping it simple and focused is key. Balance personal and career goals – both are important. Keep to no more than three at any given time, any more becomes difficult to remember and allocate time to. Without clear goals things like time management and prioritisation become difficult.
• Develop personal rituals: How you live each day, week, month, and year requires a personal routine and formula. Allocating time for personal well-being, work, relationships, learning, and rest requires a unique formula that works for you. The key is maintaining a “balance” and sense of perspective. Almost everything will work again if you unplug it and start again. Including you. Take regular breaks and factor in time out!
• Recognise triggers: Understand what “sets off” feelings of vulnerability and self-doubt. By recognising the triggers, you can then predict these in advance, and then deploy personal coping mechanisms.
• Recognise and accept when you are struggling: Denial just kicks any self-management applications down the road. “She’ll be right syndrome” has never solved a personal problem. Being vulnerable or admitting you are struggling is a personal strength, not a weakness.
• Critically reflect and share: A problem shared is a problem halved. Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust. But first critically reflect on your current circumstances, feelings, emotions, and potential triggers. Think through potential actions, contingencies, and solutions, and share these with someone you trust. This will build self-awareness, problem solving, and critical thinking skills.
• Prioritise wellbeing and self-care when things are difficult: In times of stress, it is important to have your own formula of coping with and managing your wellbeing in times of stress. These should be simple things that feed your own health and happiness. Avoid vices such as junk food, alcohol, or excessive time on social media. Exercise, a good diet, time with family and friends, taking a break, and doing things you enjoy is what will build your resilience and wellbeing.
• Seek help early: If you feel you need to, seek help early. A bit like seeing a dentist. Regular check ups are far more effective than waiting until you need root-canal surgery! Early intervention is a much quicker path to recovery than dealing with a major personal crisis.
• Take responsibility for your self-management: Whatever happens in life, take responsibility for how you react and respond to challenges. Prioritise what is important in your life, and do not compromise on that. Success at the expense of your family or your health is failure! If you are unable to help yourself, you are not qualified to give others advice who are struggling. What you role model is perhaps the best self-management lesson you can give others.

Finally, use technology wisely. Research from Oxford University has highlighted the steep rise in reported mental health issues with students in secondary schools globally since 2014. They are exploring four lines of enquiry on why this might be:

• The need for young people to curate the perfect life on social media;
• The rise in online bullying and toxic chat groups;
• The fall in personal social skills in our young through an overuse of devises and technology; and
• The impact COVID isolation had on our young people in school.

The message is clear – an overuse of technology, isolation, and lack of social skills will lead to a demise in our young people’s ability to manage their own mental wellbeing. This is an irrefutable fact.

Leadership Lesson

Do not pursue a career and forget to live a life.
You cannot live a life without success and failure.
Self-management skills are formed in our early years.
Personal accountability has consequences (both good and bad).
Being comfortable being vulnerable is a life skill that starts the moment we try to walk.
Early first steps are always shaky, but with time, practice, and encouragement we learn to walk.

Facta Non-Verba – Deeds Not Words