Fran Cleland, ARR.News

God was so unfair to pigs when he made them so tasty... they are as intelligent as any dog, make great companions, and if only roast crackling wasn’t so delicious, they might have a far happier life. Nigel did ... Nigel was a little black piglet that arrived in a little box, a gift from my father supposedly to be fattened up and dispatched for Christmas dinner.

So many people love their garden. Whether it’s just a small plot on an inner-city porch or a sprawling acre or more in a country town, we spend hours, planning planting feeding and trimming and the nicest compliment we can get is to have someone see our creation and exclaim how lovely it looks. The thing is, once the garden is created, it is necessary to keep it in order. Plants are wilful.

Due to advancing age I have a problem keeping my eyebrows in shape. When I take my glasses off I can't see them... with them on I can't do them - so I entrust their maintenance to the kind beautician at my local hairdressers ... the new, sparky young thing brightly handed me a form to fill out - a form?

If I dislike anything in the world it’s what I call Bad News Bears. We have all met them and they come in many disguises. When I was at primary school they were known as Tattletales.

People who think all dogs are the same really have no idea. Like humans, each is totally different, each has their own personality ... Eric is a gentleman ... Pink is sunshine ... Trudy a worrier ... Then there's Mary Queen of Scots ...

Yes it sounds like a rival band to the group headed by Roy Orbison, but no... it's simply a dainty little yellow/ gold/ orange daisy you probably better know as English Marigold. It's a tough little critter with a smiling, pretty face that doesn't ask for much and once you have it, it's there forever...sneaking through the garden beds and into your heart.

Remember way back when we used to use paper money and coin? Pay large amounts with a cheque? Yes, me too, but those days are long gone. Simple days I sometimes long for, especially after today’s abortive effort. This morning, our three new bankcards arrived. My husband’s is the main card, mine and our son’s run off it...

Self service checkouts. Like most of the population I dislike them. There are many reasons, of course doing people out of jobs is the main one, and pandering to the world's current do it fast and run attitude another. But speaking as one who way back worked as a part time checkout chick, I have other reasons.

Gleditsia triacanthos, AKA the bloody tree... Now, I love trees, there are so many shapes and sizes, colours, and there are several beautiful ones in the back yard planted by the previous owner, thank you Hayley ... they are lovely. Except one... I have an ongoing war with the Bloody Tree

I can see you admiring my library, You’re most welcome to stand there and look, But if you want our friendship to last past today, You won’t ask to borrow a book. “Oh! I’d love to read this one,“ you chortle, As you pull out the best from the rack ...